ran into a fan last week and it was weird. How do you handle being recognized in public? It can feel a little unsettling to be minding your own business in public and suddenly realize you have company.

My first time being recognized in public was at an airport. Airports tend to be the place where I am recognized the most because there is a large variety of people from all over the world mingling with each other in ways they normally wouldn’t. This fan recognized me while I was in line to board the plane. I always love meeting my fans, but announcing my name loudly so everyone turned to look felt uncomfortable at that stage of my career.

Navigating a life as a semi-public person in very private spaces comes with its own challenges. Thinking through some possible scenarios and knowing how you want to respond to being recognized can help you avoid some of the awkwardness (and know what to do when the recognition turns unpleasant).

The good.

Most fan encounters are genuinely fine. More than fine, actually. Someone who follows your work, respects you as a performer, and just wants to say they're a fan? That’s an interaction that can leave both of you feeling great. I've had interactions that honestly made my whole week. My favorite example of this happened in New York City. I’m walking down the street and I hear someone call my name. I don’t look immediately but check my surroundings to make sure I’m safe and then turn my head as a taxi driver says, ”I’m a really big fan!” I waved and thanked him then continued walking feeling the surreal mix of stunned and grateful. It felt like all the hard work I had put into building my brand was finally paying off.

When an interaction feels good, let it be good. A smile, a genuine "that means a lot, thank you," and a natural close to the conversation is all it takes. You don't owe anyone more than that, but you don't have to shrink from the moment either. You work hard and you deserve this.

Be warm, be brief, and guide the exit. This leaves your fan feeling respected and recognized while smoothly navigating to a closing so it doesn’t turn awkward for them (it’s not easy to approach someone you admire). “Thank you so much for being a fan, I hope all your traffic lights turn green,” or another light-hearted closing allows you both to walk away on a positive note.

The awkward.

Even the best prepared performer will have awkward encounters. A fan who isn’t taking the hint the encounter is over. Someone who stares intensely but doesn’t approach. It can throw you off balance.

Give yourself permission to be briefly awkward and then recover. You don’t have to dwell on this. You’ve probably been surprised by seeing someone you know out and about. This doesn’t have to be much different. A simple "Oh hey, nice to meet you—I hope you're having a good day" and a pivot back to your cart is a complete interaction. You don't have to confirm, deny, or explain anything and most people will understand the interaction is complete.

You also don't have to acknowledge the context in which they know you. If they bring up your work directly, a light "thanks so much" without elaborating is its own kind of graceful exit.

And if you're with someone—a friend, a family member, a partner who doesn't know—a polite, quick interaction followed by moving on is usually enough. Most fans in the wild are not trying to out you. They're just excited (and also a little flustered themselves).

The ugly.

Occasionally an interaction will set off alarm bells for you. Trust that instinct immediately. You don't need to justify it, explain it, or give the person the benefit of the doubt. If someone's energy feels too intense, too familiar, or just creepy, you're allowed to end the interaction without ceremony. "I have to run—take care" and exit to safety. 

I had an experience like this at the airport as well. I noticed a man locking eyes with me every time I looked up and around. I had a feeling he knew who I was, but you never know; sometimes it truly is just coincidental. I moved over to another part of the gate area and noticed him follow me. My spidey senses were already tingling when I decided to move closer to see if I could force an interaction. Mostly, I wanted to know if this was going to be a problem or if it was just somebody who was too shy to introduce themselves. 

I only felt comfortable approaching him because I knew that at an airport security is pretty available and it would not be long before I could easily draw attention to an unsafe situation. If someone follows you, shows up somewhere twice, or makes comments that feel less like fan enthusiasm and more like they've been paying close attention to your life specifically—take it seriously early. Your safety is not negotiable and it’s the highest priority.

My biggest piece of advice is to stop any interaction that feels off. It’s important to stop it immediately and completely. If you block someone, don’t unblock them to see if they’ve said anything else. But, if they create new accounts to avoid a block, then you should be worried and move onto another form of reporting. Whether that’s internally through the platform or externally, through law-enforcement. 

Document everything you can and get familiar with your local police department’s procedures. I know everyone’s comfort and trust levels are different with law-enforcement, and the effectiveness of their support varies widely by where you are (and who you’re working with), so the decision to pursue law-enforcement involvement is deeply personal and that deserves acknowledgement here.

Addressing it with your people.

It’s super awkward when you’re out to dinner with someone and a fan approaches you. It’s worse when that person doesn’t know why you’re being recognized. But it’s not impossible to balance your privacy goals with public recognition.

You can say that your work brings you in touch with a lot of people so sometimes people might recognize you out and about. Then make it easy for them by giving them simple instructions for what they should do in that situation. “Oh, if someone recognizes me, just smile politely, I’ll handle the rest.”

Almost everyone I interact with on a daily basis knows my entire life and understands what to do if I’m recognized (mostly, help take the photo). There were times, however, when I wasn’t as open and navigating that probably would’ve left me feeling a little exposed. Just like a successful shoot, the key here is having a plan. If you haven’t shared the industry you work in, have a plausible cover that explains why someone might recognize you and practice ending interactions quickly.

The people who love you can be your biggest asset in these moments—or they can accidentally make them harder. Preparing them in advance helps you both regardless of whether they know the real reason you’re recognized or the cover story.

The bottom line.

You are allowed to have a public professional life and a private personal one. Those two things can coexist. It just takes a little practice, a little grace, and the occasional perfectly timed exit toward the produce section.

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Have a question about building your professional identity, navigating industry relationships, or managing the business side of your career? Write in to Lexi at [allthehandlesaretaken32@gmail.com]. 

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