Every month, popular content creator Lexi Luna offers Wet Ink readers sage advice about the personal issues and professional challenges that come with being in the industry. This month, she dives into online criticism and how to deal with it.
How do you Manage the Criticism as an Adult Performer?
Everyone has an opinion and not all of them are worth your energy. It’s still hard to see people offer such personal criticism, even when you know not every opinion is worth your time. When I first started working in a face-forward industry, I knew I would open myself up to criticism and critique. In the beginning, I absorbed every bit of it and took it very personally. It’s how our brains work and it’s pretty much unavoidable, especially when it’s your naked body being criticized. It’s intense. The intensity of criticism about your body means you need non-negotiable rules for yourself about how you handle it. That starts with deciding which criticism is worth absorbing.
Don’t Pet That Dog
You know not every dog is one you can pet. With two specific exceptions (fan engagement and supporting colleagues), the comments section of your social media is a dog you shouldn’t be petting. This is where we all find the hurtful criticism that tanks our mental health and provides zero opportunity for growth.
You can’t allow yourself, or your brand, to be controlled by haters. Besides, have you really made it if no one hates what you’re doing? I asked myself a lot in those first years if it was worth it. And then I realized how much time I was spending worrying about people who never put a dollar in my pocket and didn’t care about my wellbeing.
Social media can serve as a valuable and low-cost gateway to your fanbase. It’s a safe for work entry point that builds interest with new audiences, helps you stay top of mind, and provides a different view of you while reminding existing fans why they love you. When you consider your professional social media presence as a tool for supporting the flow of new fans to your platforms and reinforcing your existing fanbase, you can let go of interacting with it in the same way you would use a personal account.
I want to have fun interactions with my fans and get to know them, so I post a variety of questions with this goal in mind. These are the only kinds of posts I interact with and respond to, and even when I do, I often have someone review and read comments for me, skipping over inappropriate responses to find the ones that I have something to add to.
Saving my Sanity with a Perspective Shift
Someone told me along the way that the haters’ job is to hate. They do nothing more and nothing less. Algorithms encourage the things that spread like wildfire, and unfortunately, hate and rage rank highly. That doesn’t mean having a social presence isn’t worth it. It means you have to have a plan and understand how it serves you.
When I consider social media as part of the job, the change in perspective helps me focus on my goal and keep an appropriate distance to it. My approach to balancing fan engagement with my mental health needs includes this shift in mindset. I also only engage with certain types of posts, limiting my time on socials, keeping my posting and interactions positive, and engaging with my industry colleagues to celebrate their successes. This is time I schedule as part of running my business instead of mindlessly clicking and scrolling through.
Green Flag Criticism
There are times when criticism is a valuable gift. Usually I’m a believer in only offering a critique of someone’s work when asked, but I will leave room for the fact that sometimes, unsolicited criticism from the right people delivered in the right way helps you get better. For me this was an agent’s suggestion to get bangs. At the time I was working a few times a month. After I took the advice my bookings increased immediately. No studio would tell me to change my hair, but that agent gave me my brand’s hairstyle.
Whether you specifically asked for feedback or not, it helps you the most when it’s delivered with your growth in mind, with kindness, and by someone who knows what they’re talking about. Even other professionals in the industry aren’t always going to get it right, and may not be providing feedback in an actionable way.
The feedback that I did accept when I was new in the industry was that of my agent, studios, and peers. Fans and haters have personal opinions, but industry professionals know what it takes to be marketable and profitable as a brand.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to treat all criticism as equally valuable and you’re not required to engage with every post on socials. Your brand is your North Star. If the criticism you’re taking in isn’t helping improve that brand (and criticism from random people on the internet definitely isn’t) then it’s time to shift your perspective, change your relationship with your social media presence, and seek out the critiques that will help you grow.
Taylor Swift said it best, “No one should make art that appeals to everyone, everywhere, all the time.”
Have a question about building your professional identity, navigating industry relationships, or managing the business side of your career? Write in to Lexi at allthehandlesaretaken32@gmail.com.
